The Macrobiotic Stoner

WOE be unto the hapless lady that finds herself in this ridiculous debate! While a good number of gentlemen out there can read women well enough to carry out a proper seduction, or graciously fold on a losing hand, we all on occasion must suffer the bad apple that brands his sex a flock of obtuse oafs by resorting to this verbal negotiation.

“Why don’t you want to sleep with me?”
“Because I’m not into you like that.”
“But why? We get along so well. And we have so much in common! “
“I dunno, I’m just not.”
“Is there any reason in particular? Something I said or did?”
“No.”
“You know, you don’t know until you try it. I’m a really sexual person, i can tell you it would be great.”
“Yeah, I’m sure, and maybe so is bungee-jumping, but I have no desire to do that either.”

…and so the merry-go-round goes. I can’t figure out if it’s just bad manners, a selfish sense of entitlement, or an ignorant attempt to control something that won’t be controlled. Probably some combination. I do know I’ve never had to field  this question from any other nationality. A Dutch friend once remarked “Americans seem really preoccupied with negotiation.” It got me wondering if the roots were economic;  We are brought up to negotiate the deal & pursue the result – often at the expense of the process. When I go out to bars here in the US, I see obnoxious, self-centered men & shallow, resentful women, fueling each other’s disfunction in thinly veiled negotiations for sex & drinks. I find this a sharp contrast to the playful flirtation of South America and Europe, where the concern is less about where it is going but what can be enjoyed in the moment. My intention certainly isn’t to paint sex-relations outside the US in a utopian light, for romance is always riddled with awkwardness & conflict… but as far as I’ve seen decline or acceptance occurs without much analysis in these places.

The first time I found myself grasping for reasons to defend my right to refuse someone, I kind of couldn’t believe the gall. I lamented to a friend about it who replied “aw, if they’re really persistent, I usually just give in…” I was appalled, but it offered a kind of explanation for these meatballs that think they can prosecute their way into your knickers. Being an athlete & working in technology, I’m kind of used to having to overcompensate for the reputational stumbling blocks that wishy-washy females have left in their wake. If more women put their foot down and followed how they felt instead of following what the thousand blaring voices of society & the mass media told them they ought to feel, I probably wouldn’t have to work so hard.

Years ago I tried screwing a few people I wasn’t attracted to, for various reasons:

1. A desire to be “fair” and look beyond the shallowness of physical attraction
2. Because some sweet lad with a crush on me went way out of his way to help me on some project and desperately needed/deserved a “charity fuck.”
3. Out of pressure from modern feminism to approach sex the way many men do – screwing without discrimination to rack up the notches on my bedpost.

I don’t recommend it, it usually turns out pretty unsatisfactory. There’s good reason that fiery, kinetic passion that inexplicably seizes us evolved in the first place. Anyway, if there was a concrete explanation, I’m sure many industries and dating itself would come to a grinding halt. And wouldn’t that be boring?

So what to do if you find yourself stuck in the argument above? Break it down in terms they can understand:

“You act as if I tell the pussy what to do. It’s the other way around.”

I’ve used it a few times now without failing to bring all rhetoric to a statuesque halt.:-)

This entry was posted on Monday, May 10th, 2010 at 4:14 pm and is filed under Flagrant Ideology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.